


Jet Pack Blues

by Yaya2547



Category: Video Blogging RPF
Genre: And many sadness, I'm Sorry, Not really sorry tho, and death, warning: feels
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-09
Updated: 2016-05-09
Packaged: 2018-06-07 07:18:11
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,488
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6792958
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Yaya2547/pseuds/Yaya2547
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Phil always dragged Dan out of dark places. But even some people as bright and happy as Phil can't save Dan.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Jet Pack Blues

**Author's Note:**

> This was inspired by Jet Pack Blues by Fall Out Boy. I suggest you listen to the song.  
> On an unrelated note, I'm doing some works so expect new stories sometime (hopefully soon).
> 
> Edit: hey guys! so i wrote this a long time ago, like its been over a year and i kinda want to write a fic to accompany this (maybe something from the viewer pov? like it would show how the phandom reacts to it and the news that they died and stuff?? im not too sure yet im still trying to figure it out) but yeah let me know if you want something like that. i may get into writing again and like actually publishing things here (mainly oneshots) but im not making any promises. just let me know in the comments if thats something you guys would want

_I’ve got those jet pack blues_  
Just like Judy  
The kind that make June feel like September  
I’m the last one that you’ll ever remember 

The words filled the silence that Phil’s sobs didn’t occupy. The song made Phil pause to listen even if for only a second. The song made the memories come back, ones that Phil didn’t want to remember but came anyways, uninvited, warm and happy all the things that Phil could not be at the moment. ‘Dan wouldn’t want you wallowing like this. DAN ISN’T HERE ANYMORE, PHIL. GET OVER IT!’ his brain screamed at him. 

_And I'm trying to find that peace of mind_  
Behind these two white highway lines  
When the city goes silent  
The ringing in my ears gets violent 

Phil remembered all their road trips and how when Phil couldn’t sleep Dan would cuddle up next to him, trying to help him fall asleep. But even when Dan fell asleep Phil’s brain would still be working, and he would stay up until midnight thinking of everything and nothing. And by the time the sun had started to rise, Phil was still awake. When Dan started to stir was the only time that Phil would pretend to be asleep accidentally falling asleep in the process and waking up at noon to Dan sitting next to him, scrolling through tumblr. And on those rare occasions that he could see what was on the screen he always swore he saw the Phan tag open. 

_She's in a long black coat tonight_  
Waiting for me in the downpour outside  
She's singing "Baby come home" in a melody of tears  
While the rhythm of the rain keeps time 

Phil remembered their worst fight, one of the only unpleasant memories. How it had been Phil to walk out that time. He had walked all the way to the park in the pouring rain and when he got home Dan was sobbing on the couch. He ran up to Dan and had apologized but that had ended really quickly when Dan had kissed Phil telling him that is was okay.  
“It’s not your fault, it’s my fault just as much as yours. Don’t be sorry.” 

_And I remember "Baby, come home"_  
I remember "Baby, come home"  
I remember "Baby, come home"  
I remember "Baby, come home" 

_Did you ever love her? Do you know?  
Or did you never want to be alone? _

_And she was singing "Baby, come home"  
"Baby, come home"_

Phil constantly questioned whether he had just kept Dan around to not feel lonely. And in the beginning that had been the case. Stay with your best friend so you won’t feel lonely. But the feelings grew and he knew in the end he had wanted to keep Dan forever. He didn’t care that he was alone when Dan was gone, as long as he knew Dan was his and coming back. But now he just wanted his best friend, his lover, and his partner back. He wanted the cold, empty house to be filled by the warmth that was Dan. And while Phil may have been the sun, Dan could outshine. When Phil was down Dan would be his warmth and security blanket. When Phil would cry listening to his “sad playlist” Dan would come in and stop his tears and sing, before Jet Pack Blues could come on. Because that song would break his walls even more. 

_I've got those jet pack blues_  
Fight off the light tonight and just stay with me  
Honey, don't you leave 

Phil remembered the first night they had moved in together, and how he didn’t want to sleep alone.  
“Goodnight, Phil.” Dan had said walking off to his chosen room taking with him a few pillows and a large blanket.  
“G’night Bear.” Phil tried falling asleep instead just ended up not sleeping for what seemed hours which had in fact only been 30 minutes. He crept to Dan’s room and gently shook Dan awake.  
“What do you want, Phil?” Dan sleepily mumbled, sitting up just a tiny bit.  
“I can’t sleep…” Phil timidly replied. Dan softened and stood up, taking Phil back to his room and sang to him until he was almost asleep.  
“Good night, Philly” Dan whispered, gently kissing Phil on the forehead.  
“Wait, can you stay with me?”  
“Of course.” And with that Dan slipped in next to Phil and they fell asleep cuddled up. 

_Don't you remember how we used to split a drink?_  
It never mattered what it was  
I think our hands were just that close  
The sweetness never lasted, no 

He remembered their first date. How he had taken Dan to on a tour of the city he knew so well. At the end he had taken Dan to his favorite milkshake place. He still remembered their petty little argument over what to get.  
“Dan, what do you want?” Phil asked not even bothering to look at the menu, already knowing it by heart and instead gazing over at Dan who was looking over the board above.  
“I don’t care whatever you wants fine. As long as we don’t get anything fruity.” Dan said looking back over to Phil.  
“I want to get what ever you want. It doesn’t matter to me, just pick something.” Phil really just wanted to get their drink and sit outside watching the star. Or, well, rather watch Dan looking at the stars and staring like a complete and utter fool until Dan looks over at Phil and Phil knows he’s been caught. Just like every other time they looked at the stars together.  
“Fine, we’ll agree on something. How about cookies and cream, that one sounds good.”  
“That one’s not as good as it sounds. It’s a little too bland for me. You said you don’t want anything fruity? Well how about…. Caramel? Or mint?”  
“Mint sounds good. Let’s get that.” They went up to order their drink and once they got their drink they went outside. Dan proceeded to name every constellation that he knew and when he noticed that Phil wasn’t paying attention he stopped. 

_She's in a long black coat tonight_  
Waiting for me in the downpour outside  
She's singing "Baby come home" in a melody of tears  
While the rhythm of the rain keeps time 

_And I remember "Baby, come home"_  
I remember "Baby, come home"  
I remember "Baby, come home"  
I remember "Baby, come home" 

_Did you ever love her? Do you know?  
Or did you never want to be alone? _

_And she was singing "Baby, come home"  
I remember "Baby, come home"_

Phil remembered the most unpleasant memory and the most recent, the entire reason for Phil being alone in the house sobbing. He remembered coming home from Tesco with the entire house silent, an uncommon thing especially with Dan being home alone. He could feel that something was wrong.  
“Dan! Dan where are you?” He was met with silence. Phil ran up to his room finding an empty room, exactly the same as when he left. He went into Dan’s room finding nothing, but still something disturbed him. He went into the bathroom and there it was. It was a piece of paper and a box. Phil with careful and shaking hands he picked up the note. 

_Dear Phil,_  
I love you and would never want to hurt you. And please, know that none of this is your fault. I have not had the happiest life, but your brought joy to my life. But things get to you and you can’t take it anymore. I’ve had problems and I’m going to keep this short. I love you. Never stop being the little piece of sunshine that you are. I always wanted to die somewhere pretty and special so if you know where that is then come find me.  
Love Bear 

Phil ran out of the house, the groceries long forgotten. He ran to the woods it being the most special place for both Dan and Phil. They had shared their first kiss there, and when Phil decided he wanted to propose to Dan he was going to do it in the woods there. He found Dan ten minutes later. Ignoring the blood he kneeled down next to Dan and hugged him.  
“Bear. Bear look at me. I love you, but don’t do this. I’m calling an ambulance.”  
“Phil. You can’t do anything. I love you too. Don’t forget to look in the box. There’s something for you and the subscribers. Never stop Phil. Find someone better than me, and love them. Move on with your life. I don’t want you to forget us though. Keep that in mind."  
“I can’t love anybody as much as I love you, Bear. I will, Bear, I will. Don’t forget me either.”  
“One more thing Phil.” Phil could tell that Dan was wearing down. He was almost gone, but he was trying to hold on even if only for a little while.  
“What is it Bear?”  
“Can you sing to me? I don’t care what song, just please sing for me.” And Phil started to sing no matter how hard it was for him. He sang the first song that came to mind. 

_She's in a long black coat tonight_  
Waiting for me in the downpour outside  
She's singing "Baby come home" in a melody of tears  
While the rhythm of the rain keeps time 

_And I remember "Baby, come home"_  
I remember "Baby, come home"  
I remember "Baby, come home"  
I remember "Baby, come home" 

_Did you ever love her? Do you know?  
Or did you never want to be alone? _

_And she was singing "Baby, come home"  
I remember "Baby, come home"_

Half way through Phil had started to cry and by the end Dan was gone. “I love you Bear.” He whispered through the tears and gently kissed Dan’s forehead. He started to pick out the flowers that had always been Dan’s favorite. He made a crown that he gently placed on Dan’s head, a bouquet that he slipped into Dan’s cold hands and surrounded him in flowers. Dan had always talked about being buried like Rue from the Hunger Games, so Phil gave him what he wanted, because even in death, Dan meant the world to Phil. He called for an ambulance. He talked to the operator saying that he thinks his boyfriend is dead. He gave the location and waited for the ambulance to come. When they arrived all they could see was a broken boy and a peaceful sleeper, covered in the love that the now broken boy could offer. “He’s dead alright. We are so sorry for your loss.” 

Over the next few days he talked with Dan’s parents and they decided to hold a funeral the week after Dan's suicide. Dan’s parent told Phil that Dan would have wanted him to make the flower crown, the bouquet, and surround him with flowers and Phil did. He made a large crown covered in Dan’s favorite flowers in all his favorite colors. The bouquet was dark and of a medium size, quite a contrast from the crown which was purples the hues of the sky at sunset, and vibrant blues with greens and yellows similar to the colors of Phil’s eyes. Dan was surrounded in white roses, and lilacs with accents flowers of pinks and reds making Dan look like an angel. The entire time that Phil had to place each flower he cried. The following afternoon Phil had to speak and he did. He never cried so hard in his life. 

He opened the box that night and inside he found a piece of paper and a ring. The ring had a gold band with pearls, Dan’s birthstone embedded into it and framing a rather large garnet, Phil’s birthstone. He slipped it on and it fit perfectly. He took out the slip of paper, and another one fell out on to the ground. One said for the subscribers and one said for Phil, the love of my life. Phil read the note for himself, and discovering that it was Dan’s vows and his engagement speech. Phil started crying all over again, falling to the ground. He opened up the paper trying to read the words through his tears, and he knew that he had to make a video. As hard as it was to face the camera he did it. He didn’t bother editing it instead just uploading it as soon as he finished. He did replay the video and watch it for himself.  
“Guys, something’s happened. Dan won’t be making videos. He’s … He’s gone guy. He left. And I couldn’t do a single goddamn fucking thing about it! HE LEFT AND… and now he’s not coming back… I’m sorry, guys. I’ll be taking a break from YouTube while I’m sorting out Dan’s death and everything. The funeral was yesterday evening and he left a note for you guys. So here it is.” He held up a paper with two words scrawled onto it in Dan’s messy hand, but was neat enough to read. 

_Goodbye Internet._

Phil looked back at the camera.  
“He left me with a little gift and while you guys may not have known the truth, Dan and I had been dating for a few years. He… He left me with a ring.” He showed his ring to the camera and sadly sat back. He waved to the camera and said bye not knowing how to end the video. As soon as it was finished uploading he turned off the computer and went to bed.

_~2 weeks later~_

A few weeks later and here Phil was, still sobbing over his loss. He decided to end the madness that had slowly become his life. He had pushed everyone away. And he wanted to end it all. He left the front door unlocked sending a text to Louise and his other friends asking them to come to his house. As soon as they had all texted that they would be there soon Phil decided that enough was enough. He scrawled a few notes and left a note saying that he wanted to be buried next to Dan, in the woods where they had met. Phil downed the pills in his hand, holding onto the picture of him and Dan. And by the time his friends came, he was already gone. Phil was buried with a crown that had honey and golden flowers the color of Dan’s eyes, and greens the colors of a forest. It was quite a dark crown in comparison to his bouquet, which were the colors of his sheets with a few gray or black flowers to represent him and Dan. He was surrounded in light pink and red flowers with white accent flowers. His ring was still on his finger but he at least could be with Dan forever.


End file.
